So what's happened?
Joey has had diarrhea the past 3 days. No fever, no other symptoms, just the nasty squirts. I feel terrible that he is sick! I also feel terrible that I feel like there is nothing I can do. I called his pediatrician's nurse advice line, and I keep missing their phone calls. So I had to call back and leave another message and just hope that I don't miss their call again. I'm still waiting. We've been giving him Pedialyte to make sure he's still getting the nutrients he needs. I've also only been feeding him yogurt, rice, toast, and a few bites of my mac n' cheese. He wanted it so bad I couldn't say no to him.
Lexi, our dog is a stage 5 clinger! Every time I sit down, she has to be in my lap immediately. I remove her from my lap and 2 seconds later she's back again. I enjoyed this at first. Now, not so much. There are some moments that I feel like I need my own personal bubble to not be violated, and she's constantly in my bubble. Other than that, she's been a great dog. It's definitely something I'm going to have to get use to!
I offered to host Thanksgiving dinner here at our house for my Dad and his family and my Mother-in-Law and her husband. I love them all dearly and I am so excited to spend time with them. I just let myself get too worked up about what I have to cook, clean, and do before their arrival that I'm already stressed to the max and it's not even Turkey Day yet. I need an "off" switch attached to my brain. I want to be able to enjoy everything about Thanksgiving and not let the small stuff overwhelm me.
I finally made the call the the perinatal mood disorder practitioner this morning and left her a message. After I hung up, I put down the phone and sobbed. Is it because I finally took that step to get help for suffering through SOMETHING that I'm not sure exactly what it is yet? Is it because I am so damn hard headed that I feel like my pride has been tarnished? Is it because I have come to the realization that I am not supermom and can't work through my feelings no matter how hard I try? All of the above apply. I know I need help. And I promised myself and Joe that I would do everything I could to not suffer through postpartum depression (PPD) after this baby is born like I did with Joey which I never got help for.
These are only the "big" things that have triggered my anxiety this week. Every little thing that happens (Lexi's spilled water bowl because of Joey, Joey has now figured out how to open the baby gate by shaking it ferociously, etc.) I almost have a complete meltdown over.
Now I am going to go curl up in a ball until Joey wakes up from his nap and hope that I'll be in a better mood this afternoon. By the way, I have demolished a huge container of leftover macaroni and cheese already today and a nice big slice of pumpkin banana bread. Drowning my sorrows with food.